i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
