The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
