my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
