do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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