I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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