Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize