someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
