sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
