He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
