New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
