If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
