Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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