i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
