Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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