dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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