I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
