he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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