if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
