Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
