dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
