matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
