just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
