dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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