SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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