haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize