Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
