I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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