I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
