You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
my poor anus
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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