Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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