i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
