Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
