Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize