This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
