If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize