Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
