6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
