Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
