i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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