Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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