I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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