stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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