I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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