Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
