I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
