do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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