i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
