so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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