How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
