I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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