I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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