chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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