He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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