I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We are two peas in an std pod
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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