May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
