I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
