he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
