Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
