and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize