mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
