OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
