they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize