nutella sex= disaster
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
