dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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