Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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