please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
