He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
