Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
