Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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